NO MA'AM CLUB

WAY TO REINVENT THE WHEEL, OAKLEY

2011-02-22T17:58:00.001-08:00

top 6 things i drew in my childhood sketchbooks

2011-02-14T20:58:00.000-08:00

top 6 things i drew in my sketchbook as a child. my inspirations were primarily picture frame stock photos.

1. saxophones. often with squiggly lines and music notes escaping the horn to indicate sound. nobody ever played these saxophones, they were free agents, jazzing around as they pleased.

2. bird silhouettes. i found these most beautiful when they were flying in front of a Sunset on the Horizon. my favourite of the bird drawings was a seagull depicted flying straight up into the sky, in front of a sunset of course, across which i wrote "no destiny".

3. celtic princesses with long hair and velvet dresses in the grass. they never wore shoes and they always had corseted dresses with bell sleeves. i went through great pains to thickly shade their cleavage. mostly i thought these were premonitions of my adult life.

4. cats. cats sitting in all different ways. with collars. in jail. standing next to celtic princesses with long hair and velvet dresses in the Grass. sometimes all of this in front of a sunset on the horizon.

5. daft punk. much to dave's dismay. once he saw a sketchbook of mine in which there was an entire page devoted to the childish scrawling of 'daft punk' . he looked at it and said "this makes me feel fucked up".

6. abstract squiggles and doors to nowhere. as i got a bit older (11ish) i used to draw lots of doors with question marks on or around them. i would then draw squiggly lines all over the place to fill up the page and to make things seem a bit funkier.

close runners up: roses, palm trees, witch hats, keys locked in jail

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

2011-02-14T20:26:00.000-08:00

dont worry its just me

2011-02-14T19:42:00.000-08:00

Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code

Love through the ages:

1. Doug Hous*n, second grade, huge crush on him until i saw him get pushed on the ice and see a snot ball evacuate his nose. His family moved away in third grade, wrote in my diary i was "glad to see him go"

2. Grades 3-6 not really "into it"

3. Simultaneous crush on the three dudes in grades 7, 8 who were into nature and comic books. They would all draw smily faces on their hands and make them talk with a british accent, these characters (the hands, not the dudes) were known as a family called "the sturgeons" and not even the jocks could fuck with their sheer ingenuity and whimsy. also crush on my neighbour's cousin, Nathan, who drew pictures of Marvel characters and grudgingly gave props to a carefully finger-smudged portrait of Pope John Paul referenced from his Time cover. We played soccer and talked some about Our Lady Peace. I found out he was allergic to grass and thought it'd be cool to rig up a bag of grass and have it dump on his head when he'd walk through a door.

4. had a crush on a dude on my bus who had a face like a sexual deviant and told everyone he was "probably going to be a doctor or scientist". Crush ended when I heard him shit talk my older brother when I appeared to be sleeping.

5. had a crush on a guy in grade 9 who on the first day of grade 10 showed up with a cloth bandage eyepatch which i thought was fuckin' siiiick. also, a different guy who is now (probably) a failed OHL player who grinded (ground?) me the first dance of highschool and insisted on shaking my hand every time i'd see him afterwards, in what now appears to be a gesture meant to dispirit.

6. had a crush in grade 12 on a dude who would pick me up at school and take me to burger king to get "cinamini's" with a coupon. driving me back to school he would explain to me that university was totally different, and you write essays differently.

Future Husbands: Fox Mulder

2010-12-14T18:51:00.000-08:00

I don't even mind the midnight blue cravatte. If Fox Mulder were my husband my arms would ache from hugging him all day, and my religious bone would be happily worked-out by indulging his constant "fringe sciences" bullshit.

ok, which one of you is selling blog t-shirts on cafepress?

2010-10-20T13:10:00.001-07:00

let's get a little closer, shall we?

2010-05-10T14:30:00.000-07:00

hey gals. just sitting here at my parents' house "working on an application," and between fielding calls from the brick about special sales i can't imagine anyone gives a shit about, and fielding calls from the ontario federation for cerebral palsy about selling my mom garbage bags/picking up old clothes (what is it that they DO over there at the OFCP?), i happened upon these:

now, my dad is kind of famous around these parts for buying weird shit (eg. antelope horn light fixture that only works on south africa's power grid, led zeppelinesque paintings that make me think he still smokes a lot of pot, motion-sensing garbage cans, etc) but i have a couple of questions about these nelly placemats (??). question the first is "dad, do you know who nelly is?" (which depending on the answer could result in a lot more questions), the second is "were these promotional materials for the release of nelly's 2002 shitshow nellyville, the only decent song on which is, i guess, air force ones?". i guess mostly all the questions are just "why?"

how are you guys doing?

sitting infront of a frey wille creepin' people out

2010-04-30T00:23:00.001-07:00

hey buds, just thought i'd holler at you all from what is my 18th hour of the trip home! only another 13 until i get to toronto and then another 1 1/2 until i get back to the sweet pete, whereupon i will scrub off 18 layers of dead skin, drink a beer, and flop into my sweet sweet bed where i dont have to worry about my mom rolling over and spooning me in her sleep, or just plain watching me in the dark. so troy got a blog eh? miss u pal!

picked up a copy of the gentlewoman, the lady equivalent of fantastic male. too much futura font, actually looks like a sparse 70s/80s flower catalogue which is a cool aesthetic but i was pained to realize all i want is a layout heavy with hot pink, exclamation points, skanky tips for broads, and shit you can buy :/

anyways, also i know i make this trip every year, but this time i mean it, i'm really changed guys, next time you see me (at maz) i will only speak in yoda-esque inverted sentences and keep my hands clasped in humble prayer at all times. this post isnt really about anything, but let me tell you guys, last week i watched Wild Hogs, and boy! what a big movie with a little heart. When I saw Marisa Tomei was in it I asked my brother "i wonder whose longsuffering girlfriend she'll play" and turns out it's William H. Macy's. p.s. what was WHM thinking.

happy brolympics, as well

2010-02-13T19:09:00.000-08:00

also some shit thats been hackeysacking around my dome, because mostly i'm just trying to update this blog again:

vonda shepherd of ally mcbeal fame is just female eddie vedder, and this is what i endeavor to sound like at kareoke

just finished season three of oz, meloni kissing beecher ignited a fire in my womb that can only be extinguished by a) drinking and then sleeping? b) being kissed by meloni

also, a toast to the winter brothers, two handsome quasi irish dudes whose uncanny resemblance i chalked up to good casting!

HAPPY FUCKING VALENTINES DAY YOU FUCKS

2010-02-13T19:04:00.000-08:00

a gift of the most egregious song ever written, but that doesnt mean its bad

yeah, this actually happened

2009-12-20T01:57:00.001-08:00

hey guys

2009-11-04T06:56:00.000-08:00

anyone been watching community lately

oh man, am i a total herb (pun intended) for thinking this one was hell funny?

2009-08-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

Sky Force 6: Episode #2 - "Puff Puff Pass" - watch more funny videos

ummmmmmm

2009-08-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

Sky Force 6: Episode #1 - "Four Score and Twenty Migs Ago" - watch more funny videos

just a couple of gals looking at some pics

2009-08-08T15:21:00.000-07:00

hey laaaaadies!

2009-08-03T05:55:00.000-07:00

yes please

2009-08-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

wow wow wow. abc family has made a television show of everyones favourite teen movie remake of a Shakespearean play! No, not Romeo and Juliet because i mean duh they're both dead, and no no it's not a show based on O either, i think everyone dies in that one too, except for maybe Josh Hartnett because i think i saw him in something recently.

tadow!! starring NONE of the original cast members except the dad played by that bald guy whose name i don't actually know.

betcha alex mack is bummed she didn't get recast. julia stiles, you mad????

All is fair in love and Prong

2009-07-24T22:56:00.001-07:00

Hey guys, just wanted to give you a heads up that this item wont be on the auction block much longer. I took myself off the market ever since purchasing a Prong North American (Not Available?) 1992 Tour that boasted stops in both the mont' and the 'saug. I bought this shirt new from Moondance records, and two washes later it still smells like cigarettes and nag champa.
Anyways, for the Prong fan with cans:

omegles

2009-07-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

credit: evan millar has patent on emotions camera.

Why is Googles default graphic today the Tesla Coil or Are They Just Trying To Send Me A Message

2009-07-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

Hey Scros :) We don't really often talk about style here, or personal style. I like to think I have a certain unique way of dressing, but really, I'm too poor/mentally checked out to pull off any next leveldom. I'm always aspiring and constantly revising what being female nick cave entails, especially after meeting him in 2008. By no accident we shared a sleazy excess of gold jewellery, and immodestly unbuttoned shirts, but the man was tanner than me, and was clearly tailored, and had some manner of clunky wooden talisman which clowned everything I was reaching towards.
Most would advise me to look to his slammin wife, Vivian Westwood muse(I saw a pair of VW wacky heels in Skopje for 4500 denars and the coupling of those two unlikely things broke my skull comp), Susie Bick.
So whatever I guess she has a few things going for her, black hair, lifelike Nick Cave purse, sheer animal print but it's too easy. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe I need to see if she's wearing patent leather men's loafers?

Also, ever since watching Pretty in Pink in highschool, I've really been into how 80's preps dressed. Just tennis whites and sherbert colors and soft cigarette packs. It's like Hey Asshole, stop looking so cool

I just need to find a way to reconcile these looks and as relucant as I am to admit it, the liklihood of it just being Australian Outback khaki/Heart of Darkness S/S 2010 is high, with a chance of nice.

flyin' air bud

2009-07-09T15:03:00.000-07:00

hi h8rs, here are some screen caps, of some jokular stuff i stumbled upon

dear anonymous ma'am

2009-07-04T04:59:00.001-07:00

i'm just writing to "see how you're doing?" don't worry, i'll refrain from using names -- i know how sensitive you are and that mentioning your name might make you feel embarrassed. anyway, i just wanted to say that it must be very hard for you in my absence. i mean, you're literally left with nobody to let you call them. i bet you miss the way that i ask you to call me -- it probably makes you feel special -- and always hang up first. keep them wanting more. i wonder how you're passing your time? "hittin' the blog", "tweetin'", "staring at the phone", "checking facebook...no new notifications". do you consider each blog post like a "little friend"? do you ever wish that they could write back? i bet you've thought of it since i've been gone. when other people post on the blog, does it feel like you're at the "hottest house party"? well, gotta get back to my busy international schedule. just wanted to say "i hope you're okay" and don't worry, i'll be home soon and will have literally weeks of interesting things to tell you, which you can feel free to reuse with your "little friends". something tells me they're "great listeners"!

take care and you're welcome for maintaining your anonymity!

--amy

oh so it's 'los soft boys'.

2009-07-04T04:56:00.000-07:00

Hey Assholes

2009-06-30T20:04:00.000-07:00

You will not silence me by pointing out I'm the only one who posts on this crep, Shmariel Shmuckley.

I've been watching a bunch of YT's of youths covering Dancing in the Moonlight by Smashing Pumpkins[sssic] and a lot of them look like real human stains but this little duder gets my vote for 2009 MVP bad cat.

ps you're my son

you girls broke the number one rule of Thin Liz, actually broke rules one and two,
1. singing "Dancing in the Moonlight" in a way where it appears it's activating your ability to make everything sound re-virged and nascently christian/ makes ya'll seem you're dfw to do stuff to boys 3 grades above you with your tiny hands, you know, hand stuff
so there's just one rule

other than that, very little is new with this guy *points 2 self with thumbs*. I almost bought an XXL Meatloaf shirt at Value Village but decided not to because the whole aisle smelled like farts.

Also went to a stand up contest and one guy had the audacity to pull a bill hicks at the end of his set (is one michael jackson joke and a retelling of buddy's beer stories a set?) and implored everyone at Mexicali Rosa's Grill & Cantina to act goodly, decently to one another. Unless it was some super advanced anti-comedy I just dont know where people get off.

EDIT!!! just listened to da girls soaring harmonies long enough to realize they aren't even singing thin lizzy, no harm done, girls :)

i mean i'm not my possessions

2009-06-26T14:55:00.000-07:00

but shit dudes, i need this shirt

2009-06-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

so hey guys, i know we've been talking about getting bro tats for a minute so i found some potentials. any takers??

Oh internet, I could ask questions into you for days

2009-06-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

a highlight:

Yahoo! Answers:
Q: What happens if Bella is on her period?

pretty much like the Mermaid Problem

If there's one thing I've learned from typing open ended questions into google, it's that the internet is just a big Kids Help Phone, and everyone is worried about all kinds of things, like what happens when women pray, or when can I give my baby yogurt or can we see atoms. my standard has been googling "what time is it" because my computer doesn't keep time, but googling "how will i sleep" comforts me, and googling [my name]+ "fuck my life" challenges me. If I take it to google image search I find a lot of pictures of myspace friends, a tiny thumbnail of the albanian flag, a humorous cartoon of some kind of monster eating a freaked out looking guy, and this disturbing zenterpiece, have you ever seen anything more perfect in your life?

Not to get all Leno on yous guys

2009-06-19T20:13:00.000-07:00

But the best part of my day is walking down to the mailbox and retrieving the mail, and sometimes leaflets from the township. It's good exercise, and sometimes I'm rewarded with the knowledge that Larry David lives in Peterborough and Hates CATS !!!
Mr. Walker let's agree to disagree.

Folksy syntax alert! I'm silkscreening this onto a patch and sewing it onto my Jansport. Did Winston Churchill say this?

"Oh Like You Could Do Better"

2009-06-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

Being in a car with Da Girls for some 17 hours last week was a real big throwback to a time when I wore Tommy Girl tees too short for my torso, my hair in Chun Li dumpling buns, and a smattering of garbagey bracelets on only one wrist. That time was about 2005. Just kidding, it was 2001-2002 pretty much, and whew, all that Jealous Sound and Alk Trio Da Girls played really moved something in my braincase, and my heartcase.

Always loved this song but only had about half of this mp3 downloaded. Oh man, Fireside Bowl in 1998, can you imagine? Everyone looks like they got outfitted at Mark's Work Warehouse. Look how neat and tidy their haircuts are. BrokenCYDE makes American Football look like Fugazi. Not even true. BrokenCYDE makes American Football look like The Eagles and Fugazi look like Elvis Presley.

cant stop watching true blood all my vampires readin' this: i want to do u !!!!

2009-06-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

click for bigger so you can see what the mild hubub is about. dear zuckerberg, a wan smile to you good sir, do you truly demand of me to open character maps just to post a funny pic on didemus' wall? apparently "citizen of the internet" no longer holds clout.

honest question now, do you guys think mark zuckerberg has the skeleton facebook key that can look at every single profile, no matter what their privacy settings are? pictures included? can he write whatever he wants on any wall? 'like' any photo or status update? this is a very serious question for slashdot probably, but all the white hats/black hats that read this blog get back to me !!!

now where did i put that dynamite hack cover of boys in da hood

2009-06-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

file under joke music that accidentally rules i guess, thanks libby's big bro!

when I was trying to find a suitable clip for this I happened across some concert footage (frottage?) that said "Ween-Gabrielle 28th song of the night" which explains sososososo much.

things just got a whole lot herbier

2009-06-06T09:26:00.001-07:00

1. i want to start a band called 'father gods'.
2. last night bilyana said "oh man, i thought you were going to kiss me and i just froze"
3. who wants to do some solstice spells on the mountain?

make to me into a rich dad please!

2009-06-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

Actual book and lecture series called "Rich Dad Poor Dad" (emphasis not my own)
Without looking into it too much I can only assume it delivers spirited financial advice broken down in easy to understand modern takes on aesop's fable of the ant and the grasshopper where the ant is Warren Buffet (or Tiger Woods!) and the grasshopper is Jon Gosselin (he's rich but in what, wives with stupid haircuts? sweaty bangs? gyres of unhappiness? or you could say he's poverty-stricken in the happiness dept.)

the best quotes off wikipedia:

"The poor and middle class work for money. The rich have money work for them." (P30).
"The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"Mind your own Business"

On "freedom guru" Robert Kiyosaki:
Around 1996–1997 he launched Cashflow Technologies, Inc. which operates and owns the Rich Dad (and Cashflow) brand.

He's also the author of Rich Kid, Smart Kid (the fuck?) and Rich Dad's Prophecy. He also literally wrote a book in 1992 called (verbatim dudes), "If you want to be Rich & Happy don't go to School?"

poor dads need not apply

Of all the Randy Rivers in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine

2009-05-29T16:46:00.000-07:00

douche chills 09 throwback

So horrific, the worst part is how psyched the little kid is to see the Gotti brothers when he picks up a viewmaster from the trash.

this mournful dirge serves as atonement i guess. I showed this to deanna and she was silent with her mouth open for 3 minutes and then said "they look like gay mummers"

fuckin rights boys, what a pack of player lights sounds like, big wreck- that song would sound like du maurier king size, and counting crows- long december would sound like wintergreen skoal

AHHHHHHHHH!

Hey smile waves

2009-05-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

Adolescent Summers in small town Ontario were a tender beast. My neighbour always used to throw bush parties in the field behind my house, where local old stoners would comment on the nice asses of 7th graders. The fair would come to town and hearts and minds where aflame at the whispered prospect of a children's beer tent shrouded in the woods. When I was 16 I got drunk for the first time on Mike's Hard Dial-A-Bottle. At the time I had a crush on a dude I met in Summer School who used to send me Jerky Boys mp3's over icq. He was the first dude I 'dated' (went to West 49 with). I knew I 'arrived' when a notorious AA hockey player told me my boyfriend was a faggot and punched a locker. He dumped me as soon as he got his G2 license. At the time most of my clothes were from Sirens, but if I had a bit of extra money, I'd shop at Bootlegger, or Jean Machine in the Lansdowne Mall. Sometimes I'd go to Toronto with buds and strike up convos with burnt out hippy jewelery vendors, rocking on our heels thinking we were sooo mature and sooo cool, but actually just doting on weird old guys who's sole income was selling silver anchs to tourists, who only talked to us because they thought we though we could catch a wang.

Well, a lot has changed my friends, for instance, my hair is longer, and I live in my parent's house unemployed by choice, I no longer wear shirts from Black Market usually. So knowing what you know now about Small Town Ontario, is it a good idea to bike along what is ostensibly highway to my local LCBO for some solo-beers. Or should I just drive without a license. If anyone has any links to good romcoms streamed from the net please post em, or alternately, tell me your summer 09 dream list. example:

- angling really hard to be the guy who's always got a beer in her backpack, the reliable beer patrol
- go to a cottage
- find new ways to vibe even harder off neil young
- sing 'the band' at karaoke one of these days
- get and keep a tan?
- make more salads
- go to the CNE, pet animals, go on ferris wheel with family
- at least 100 high fives
- write first draft of my buddycop script
- turn 24 at pizza hut
- watch highschool musical (with friends!)
- since style cues from 2004's conceived "barrio cobain" has reached its natural conclusion, try to dress like a less messy Nick-Caves-Son, or buy a pistol pete maravich jersey online, or just try to look 1/3 as summery as bernard sumner in this live bbc performance. Look at his cute shorts! He's a Canada-Day-Long-Weekend-Paddle-Boat-Ride-Around-The-Lake incarnate!

aw, googlers

2009-05-26T12:35:00.001-07:00

my name is jimmy with a "y" and i'm that fly guy from breaker high...er degrassi

2009-05-25T04:36:00.000-07:00

oh hey guys just in case you were wondering what Aubrey Graham, aka Drake aka Jimmy "i got shot in the back and now i'm in a wheelchair" from Degrassi TNG has been up to, here you go! (ariel, amy i see you)

Lil Wayne Feat Young Money - Every Girl / NEW
Uploaded by PeteRock - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

he's dating rihanna who i'm sure as you all know has replaced aaliyah in my heart of hearts. i know i know, big claim, but we do have the same birthday and i think we may be kindred spirits, but that's a story for another time.

sassy swagger chip

2009-05-24T16:10:00.000-07:00

which robot is more convincing/emotional

In the future there will be no Bride Wars

2009-05-09T03:04:00.000-07:00

While at my grandparents house I have watched a bunch of bootlegged movies. Obviously this country loves latin-based gangster movies (Serpico, Scarface, Carlito's Way) so I have been watching those, as they are readily available, but also given myself over to contemporary Romantic Comedies ("The Other End of the Line". Certain scripts you can tell were written by people who try to improve on old formulas, or think "easy peasy!", the result is static caricatures of unrealistic types that make you feel sooo lonely to watch) and Bride Wars, which ruled.

In it they talk about how every little girl imagines her wedding, and whenever someone has said that to me, I've always nodded along and taken it as a widely regarded truth, always being like "naturally, what the fuck else do little girls think about" BUT, here's the kicker, I've never really given it much thought? In that it's unlikely to happen? But further when I do think of it the breakdown looks like this:
Who: Loser of a pact made with me to "marry when we're 35"
What: Dank Civil Ceremony
Where: No windows
When: The capacity to dream dies
Why: Fear
How: Drinks afterwards at O'Flannigans

So open question, do you dudes think of actual weddings and dresses and shit? Are you more of a Hathaway or a Hudson? I think weddings are def. nice to attend, I've only ever been to huge impersonal blowouts, so I don't know the flipside. Bride Wars is such a good movie.

About Dang Time

2009-05-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

It was just so noisy and unbeautiful before. Cant wait till she tackles part II! Contender for Summer '09s Party Anthem maybe?

Stefanie Heinzmann - Unforgiven
by nico2oo6

oh fuck.

2009-04-28T05:24:00.000-07:00

Ever want to see what a Nickelback song looks like?

2009-04-26T07:20:00.001-07:00

amiright?

2009-04-25T08:54:00.001-07:00

hi canadians, welcome to the internet!

future husbands

2009-04-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

Judge Reinhold in Beverly Hills cop. He'd have to take a desk job because I'd be so worried about him all the time.

SAY ANYTHING MOMENTS

2009-04-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

1. I am wearing what Deanna has generously termed as "fat-ass busdriver pants" and a pair of desert boots with little white socks, and a leather backpack while walking around Prilep, and everyone thinks I'm a tool.

2. I locked myself in the bathroom because I couldn't open the door with one of those old timey skeleton keys and had to pass it under the door to be rescued by a nice lady who understands how keys, locks, and doors work. everyone thinks I'm a tool.

Karl Lagerfeld you are so nuts

2009-04-25T05:05:00.000-07:00

From his Twitter:
"I think I'm going to have a dinner party where no one speaks. I'll give all my guests pens and pads instead of the usual dinner conversation"

Sometimes this world feels like a cheap optical illusion because the words you say, Lagerfeld. I struggle to imagine him having time to update his twitter in between all the time it must take to adjust his pince-nez or arrange a cluster of nosegays in his lapel.

ANYWAYS! Hey Ladies!! I just got into Macedonia! Everyone here keeps calling me Maria! Whatever! Yesterday I was in Tirana, Albania. Things of note: More buildings there, than you would think, are painted plaid/day-glo harlequin clown motifs
observe:
That one is a bit more modest but eyecatching nonetheless. Also across from the university there was some sort of museum-y type building with just a 50 foot sculpture of the letters "NATO" on the lawn. Tirana was pretty cool looking. Then we took this road out of the city that I think might rival Saskatchewan's Highway of Tears, or other notable horrifying roads.
Okay, elements:
Rain/Fog
Dusk
Narrow stretch of highway, essentially one lane to accomodate two lanes of traffic
Dead Man Curves!
No Guard Rail
People going 110!
3000 meter drop where you can see smaller baby mountains below you

I was really, really scared guys! The odd section that did have a guard rail usually had a big chunk missing (where a car busted through) and in its place a memorial to whoever died there.
So, up to date, the closest I've ever been to self urination in my adult years. The whole time I was thinking of the Trainspotting monologue "Choose a car... blah blah but why choose life? I choose heroin" but replacing the word heroin with "Albania". Albania is the most incredible high.

Just watching the news in auto-tune, no bigs

2009-04-23T22:02:00.001-07:00

2009-04-23T19:10:00.000-07:00

husbands i'd like to marry

2009-04-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

rhymes with grape vibes

2009-04-19T13:04:00.000-07:00

as a self-proclaimed "goldblum femme" and "ladyblumer", a sentiment shared by my girlblog copatriates, you might imagine my delighted surprise when libby informed me that through "the blumquarters" i could land myself an @goldblum.zzn.com email address. you might also be able to venture a guess at my response (elated) to learning that not only could i have my very own goldblum email, but that the most coveted of all the @goldblum.zzn.com addresses was still available.

please send any future communications to:

jeffgoldblum@goldblum.zzn.com

NSFW unless your boss is into rainbow stylin'

2009-04-18T18:29:00.001-07:00

hair by melinda at HC studio in brookline village

calling all future selves

2009-04-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

part 1

Part 2

Beers? Think I'll toss back a $3 (USD) marg instead...

2009-04-17T17:56:00.001-07:00

but that was beautiful what you did there

FILLER FRIDAY: Lets drink these beers!

2009-04-17T17:45:00.000-07:00

I'm 'on Real Out

2009-04-16T21:12:00.001-07:00

As if the Destiny's Child/Sporty Thievz feud wasn't socially divisive enough: the ultimate controversy has been playing out on UK billboards you didn't even know existed. The man-woman divide in the wake of the No Scrubs-No Pigeons rivalry was as nothing compared to the seeeriously real battle of the break-up between Eamon -- of "F*** It (I Don't Want You Back)" fame -- and Frankee -- aka the hitmaker behind "F.U.R.B. (F*** U Right Back)." Makes you feel like any breakup without a ton of presents you have to somehow get rid of is a regular walk in the park.

THE ORIGINAL (guys it's not his fault he has these feelings, she's a bird bitch, he heard the stories)

THE HATER (but ladies, come on, he MADE her do it)

I don't know whose side I'm on at this point. There's a way better version of this video where you can actually see her hanging with her girls and working through her feelings (mainly about his wack sex) here but it's unembeddable. Maybe she's over it? Fuck it, she faked it.

kim? lil kim is that choo? busta? busa bus?

2009-04-15T06:07:00.000-07:00

what the blood?

dear kim,

plastic surgery is for white people. when you are not white an you get plastic surgery you begin to resemble a real doll(eg. all of the jacksons and octomom).

love, mansa

what it feels like for a girl blog

2009-04-13T18:29:00.001-07:00

blue skies, smiles, balcony darts

"then we'll all clear away the beers and paint each other's nails"

2009-04-13T17:39:00.000-07:00

today was an absolutely beautiful day in montreal. after a ridiculous shitshow of a weekend, amy and i decided to take a nice wholesome walk, which was both productive and enjoyable. we returned to our disgusting pit of an apartment, and instead of cleaning, forced one bilyananana ilievsker into using this new technology called "video-chat"

her brothers were angry because she had headphones in and they couldn't hear our stories about potato salad.

And do it while I sleep yeah a little osmosis

2009-04-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

Listening to Kid Cudi Kanye and Common "Poke Her Face" I cant help but be struck by an overwhelming desire to grab Common by the scruff when he says the line "Get your hair right and get up on this conscious dick" and tell him he needs to be the change he wants to see in the world. He feels the world`s strife right down to his wang guys. Give it up for this hell of a guy!!!

Also this morning I made an FB group for No Maam for which I`m the only fan.

Do I know what a “back-front-side-flip” or whatever the fuck it’s called is? Nope. Am I getting laid less because of it? Yep.

2009-04-12T19:01:00.000-07:00

http://www.missbehavemag.com/you-wanna-date-a-skater-really-really/

GB SHOUTOUTS

2009-04-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

guys add these to your google readers
first:
Carmen who before I met I was assured by my sweet roomies with excellent taste that I would like her because a) we like the same shit, b) she does a really killer Chris Farley impersonation (which actually I've never seen done), and c) legitimately has a Romance Novel Heroine's name (her last name might as well be St-Valentine) and rules and tells hilarious stories about Scatman John, and just regular Scat!

Black Shirts the sweet style blog by the only Macedonian I've ever met in North America that doesnt wear Kappa, a wifebeater with a cross, or a toothpick 24/7, Steph Nitsos and her best bud, Jen Simm, who it has to be said, is really good at balderdash. Their style tips tackle being a goth in the new millenium (not really) and also feature pics of them babin' all over Montreal. Go!

JULIA ROBERTS GETS THE MONSTER BALLS

2009-04-12T15:49:00.000-07:00

Have any of you guys ever read that short story by DFW that's about some actress in the 80's preparing for her appearance on Letterman? In it everyone is psyching her out, readying her for the probability that Letterman will musk her on air, and she'll look like a fool. But then she goes on, does her thing, and it all goes off without a hitch. Her thought process at the time of the interview is her timing out her reactions, and being like "okay, now touch his hand and laugh" or "shrug, look at audience, act embarassed".

Well one time Lauren and I smoked these left handed cigarettes and settled into some Late Show when Julia Roberts was the guest. I wasn't sure if I was just a huge lightweight or if Julia Roberts was fucking with me. She seems like the type of lady who once, a long long time ago, was told she had an 'infectious laugh' and since then has always prided herself on dropping laugh bombs that more than anything just stun you. Way to go, your laugh is literally the death rattle of any punch line! Anyways, she did the same mock humility shit and tried to be dishy and conspiratorial and it just ruined any material he had and the whole time he had to be like "i am so attracted to you right now". She was so out of her league!!

Anyways, here's a clip of it, her habit of piling on useless adjectives ("the most beautiful, serene, intense dazzling sunset you've ever seen") was like word munchies. Also, she literally delivers a monologue cribbed from Slumdog Millionaire about the Taj Mahal and goes on to talk about how "Hindu" is a beautiful language.

lips of a girl blog

2009-04-09T15:50:00.000-07:00

hey guys. this is a video i made about six months ago for personal reasons. if you don't get it or understand that's okay, because it's personal. the one thing that sucks is that lanza kind of fucks it up because she never takes anything seriously.

limited edition, so watch it while you can.

my mom thinks i'm dead because of the episode of svu she watched last night

2009-04-08T20:51:00.000-07:00

joke's on you, mom, because a) i watched them film that very episode in the park near my house, and b) i'm blogging from the great beyond

don't want no short dick man

2009-04-08T20:31:00.001-07:00

hey guys here comes your daily mind rape from down under. well down under by way of howard stern, but can i just say this video has moved me to tears. i feel for these dudes.

1st Annual Small Penis Contest
by Babar007

Girl Blog Video Entry: Bilyana 2 World: "I'm Sick of Your Shit"

2009-04-08T18:31:00.001-07:00

ese loco!

2009-04-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

for my inblogaural post, i bring you the most powerful voice in chicano comedy: john leguizamo himself. get ready to bug out

feels great to be here, ladies.

but dad you're doing time the TIME OF MY LIFE

2009-04-06T23:08:00.000-07:00

sleep away jerks!!! the early bird catches the babe worm!

also Millar's INTERVIEW WITH TOMMY WISEAU at Terminal Laughter!!

check please!!

2009-04-01T18:58:00.001-07:00

From the English-Macedonian Dialectal Dictionary Based on the Lerin-Kostur Dialects as Spoken by Oshchimians

knock knock who's there zeddy the points bear! your mom got you a mountain bike with all her zeller's points! what have i done to deserve such kindnes

2009-03-30T12:28:00.001-07:00

July 21st, 1992 I turned 7. On that day I received a blue skip-it, some barbie clothes, a vhs tape with 2 episodes of Dinosaurs on it, and a love of baseball. Initially we were all going to go see "Honey I blew up the Kid", but at the insistence of my best bud and neighbour Jerrod F., we all went to see A League of their Own instead, starring Geena Davis as beautiful and Tom Hanks as a trash can smoking a cigar. It was the same year the B-Jays would win the World Series (second year in a row!), thrusting the likes of Joe Carter and Robbie Alomar into the pages of United Way sponsored mini-comics about safety and saying no to drugs. To this day I still have most of my Donruss cards, in so-so condition, that we used to get for free in loonie surprise bags, with shitty tooth-breaking slabs of gum, even! My Wade Boggs rookie card has appreciated in value to about 30 dollars! My Nolan Ryan Diamond-Kings series however is still worth about 7 cents.

Anyhow, this caused me to take a trip down memory road when team sports were mandatory and tween geared movies were about wearin' cons and ralphin' from eatin' too much candy and being a part of a shambly whole against rich kids that wear nike issued black uniforms and not Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist. :/
In fifth grade, when I was 10, we used to go to Olan's Pro-Hardware in Millbrook. It was the only place you could pick up sporting goods. My dad bought us a softball and we had a couple wooden bats, which I always had trouble lifting. Once Jerrod cracked me in the right ear with one and for 10 minutes I thought I lost my hearing. I would go on to repay him in full by shooting him in the knee with a BB gun in second grade. (what I'd give to see the 'Sorry I shot you!' apology note that came with his Sorry-I-Shot-You Wishing Troll) When I was 11 I got it into my head that I wanted to try out for the Millbrook three-pitch team, despite only being able to hit grounders and fouls, and being shitty at catching anything ever. Mostly I just talked to the other spaced out kids in the outfield. I remember all the cool dudes in my grade started smoking random shit they found in the conservation area because they claimed it made them 'run faster'.

Here I am age 10, before I would go on to star as Joseph Gordon Levitt's haircut in 3rd rock from the sun:Faces of my men-folk considerately blurred as I do not believe they want to be on my blog. Those shorts are both floral and corduroy, and no need to ask, the shirt is No Fear. Also looks like I kind of have a 'ner, eh?
This was a baseball glove my mom bought for me from Canadian tire with 14 dollars worth of saved up Canadian Tire money. I think we only had to pay a difference of 3 dollars "real" money. Back then everyone had their own tricks on breaking in a glove. I tried painting mine with oil and baking it in the oven for a couple hours.
And here's where I dibbsed my glove. Looks like I had some trouble writing my own name. The tiny complacent face underneath is really weird eh? It's like at the very moment I penned that little guy I saw a flash of what my future would be, and the expression that I would forever be doomed to wear on my face. At the time I had no idea that I would never grow into a great talent, or fail to conduct myself with a sense of justice and fairness and quiet inner grace, no idea that eventually I'd be just be sorta a dick with an elephant's memory about the bad stuff and the bittersweet stuff and a general fear of the future, re: gods garbage dump. Once MSC elementary was my whole world and now I'm too lazy to show anyone anything. I am planning my future by five year increments, I am running out of time, and I am not in the major leagues or the minor leagues.
In conclusion baseball is nice, grass is nice, shorts are nice, home leagues are nice, dying your bangs with koolaid is nice, gimp bracelets are nice, dogs are nice, here's a clip from the Sandlot:

knock knock! who's there? a roomfull of suicide girls! can you tell them to come back later i'm crying

2009-03-29T21:02:00.000-07:00

tonights episode of Kings led the youth plotline to the set of Gossip Girl's club "Victrola", what happened to blade-style basement clubs with blood sprinklers and prodigy? the last time i went to a 'club' was in peterborough at the rooster where my brothers promptly delatched from me and i sat on a vinyl silver couch drinking water. twice i was approached by bouncers and asked if I was alright.
then there was the time lee and i went to go get 69 cent tacos on st.denis. by the time we had returned a slick looking club opened up next to our house, complete with a red velvet rope and some potted palm frons. for about a month we'd joke about getting our shit together and hitting up the club across the street from the greyhound station and the holiday inn tht sounds like a mix of 'ecstacy' and 'salvia'. but we never went, and then one day Shwebb told us all that it was actually an office for software developers.
RIP Clubs 1982-2001

a tomb of one's own

2009-03-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

today i took my business to peterborough's unembraced downtown core. over the years it has been brutalized by pensive grafitti about our statesmen, pervasive feelings of indigestion and sadness, and kids in oversize white t's on lowriders asking for change because they wanna buy a drink. fair enough. anyways, i hit up the old Y's buys by the bus station and there I found this stupid, stupid dress. I actually found it a couple weeks ago, but low and behold, no dumb idiot wanted to buy it.

My old diary tells me that to give light, must endure burning. Lover of vague, mystical sounding meditations-on-dualism that I am, this gem is, quite perfectly, my new life suit. Buttoned all the way up, it commands respect at any formal to semi-formal event, noted for being "business in the front", but check out.... ....the stupid party in the back!

things i like about this dress:

-it's the formal attire of someone who takes last summer's huge trend (in my home) of sleeveless denim jackets ("summer 08's") very seriously

-it perfectly fits into my plan of dressing like the male equivalent of Nick Cave's son, Jethro Lazenby Cave, if young Jethro was more Sauble Beach and less Cliffs of Dover, more pizza and less pizza-flavored absinthe.

-if i wear it on a sunny day i'll be blessed with a trashy fan-shaped tan on my back

also, here's a poster i did in grade 8 that's literally covered in dirt. there are three renderings of blood, oozing or not. This was for a unit we did on the book "Shantymen of Cache Lake". Look at my stupid lascerated(ing?) "H". My poor mother.

2009-03-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

2009-03-19T17:39:00.000-07:00

oh, sorry. did i forget to tell you guys that thursday is spa day? whoops. grab some shopper's drug mart brand face masks and come on over.
give me your poor, your tired, your hardened calluses yearning to be ped-egged.

new bloggerdashes

2009-03-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

are up, courtesy Lauren M Cookowitz, because everyone loves to remember that time they were funny once

knock knock who's there a: a woman oh no offense i like this joke better when a dude tells it

2009-03-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

Stumbled across this article on ONTD, required reading for all the no'maams please, just all the most righteous broads, Roseanne, Poundstone and other darling angels sounding off on chicks with schticks (sorry).
CAPITAL quote:

PAULA POUNDSTONE (NPR’s "Wait Wait ... Don’t Tell Me"): I followed a man one night — Steve Sweeney, who is now a radio guy in Boston. The last thing Steve Sweeney said was, "So I was eating out the cunt of a bear." You know, that’s hard to follow. Suddenly my joke about busing tables ... So did anybody deliberately exclude women? No. And I could have played along. But I knew that wasn’t where I was going to thrive.

ARAB MONEY

2009-03-16T04:31:00.000-07:00

so i know this has been out for a minute. but really, arab money? this song is crack! i've been listening to it on repeat for an hour, and what makes it better is that the hook isn't even in arabic. dear busta, thank you for stepping up your game to some r kelly shit (see the snake video for reference, arab head wraps, and jerseys in the desert= too sick).

that old biological tick tock

2009-03-08T22:33:00.000-07:00

as we're coming round the bend, maybe it's time to start dibbsing those baby names. i got 5 on Grapedrankisha.

500 days of makeoutclub blowjobs

2009-03-06T20:52:00.000-08:00

The williwaws are blowing mild air across the arctic shelf, theres a little spring in everyone's step, the snow is melting and revealing beautiful mud and yellowed grass and cigarette butts, so surely it must be that time of year again, time for Juno 2!!!!

This movie has it all, let's recap!

- Deschanel unabashedly singing the smiths, fuck, i love a free spirit as much as the next guy, but really? the smiths? arent they a little underground? Frankly i think a sweet ref like that will be lost on a lot of the viewership

- It makes perfect sense that Gordon-Levitt's character, probably with a cool name like Holden Caufield, or Dashboard COnfessional has a sage child friend on hand who, with glibness, candor, and comedic life experience, can take control of the situation and talk him down from great emotional distress

- Wait, is this one of those movies that starts with the end??

- choregraphed dance scene after he boffs her

- mostly i'm just so disheartened that people are still making movies that aren't Pride and PRejudice serials.

- There's probably a scene where she makes him slow dance on the street/sing along to a kinks song in public and he's nervous at first but then he's like 'frig, hey world, i'm in love with this little lady, and i don't think it needs to be said, but she's an f. spirit"

- and then she gives him back his album of photobooth pictures :)

So make sure to save the date July 17th because thats the one year anniversary (shy a few days) of when the last Harry Potter came out!!

firth we take manhattan

2009-03-04T18:31:00.001-08:00

"AHHH, WHY WONT YOU LET ME MARRY YOU BRIDGET JONES!!!????"

okay so i just watched "he's just not that into you" what a shit storm that was!! can i just go back in your stomach now mom? at least through the walls of your uterus i cant see scar jo's heartbreaking peekaboo rip in the ass of her jeans.

on that note, this is more a reminder that good things come in british sizes! a toast to helen fielding, building her empire on women that believe if a dude asks you if you're a dyke, it means he totalllly knows you ain't, and he thinks you're pretty.

So after watching BJD and BJD2: edge of reason, I would like to call for a return to Austen/Bronte courtship formulas where all men are our lords and any women worth their salt in marriage is probably enlisted to a life of indentured servitude at your estate. Frankly both movies had too many fey laddish fight scenes to the tune of Geri Halliwell's Its Raining Men and not enough scenes where dudes looked like they were going to cry because they loved the Zeg ssooo hard.

Dalhousie's just not that into you

2009-03-04T17:18:00.000-08:00

I've just been watching "He's just not that into you" on my computer and everytime they say "he's just not interested", I picture these words coming from the various Deans of Admissions.

from a convo with lauren:
me: always an undergrad never a masters

lee on grad school:
Lee: 2 million cambodians died because someone like your or I was charasmatic with peasants

funny things i bought with my pregnancy test 1

2009-02-26T11:56:00.000-08:00

these are funny things that people i know have made in one purchase.

-pregnancy test and morning after pill
-pregnancy test and pack of smokes
-pregnancy test and razors
-pregnancy test and condoms
-pregnancy test and a newspaper
-condoms and immodium

Guest Blogger Lee Tipton

2009-02-23T20:32:00.000-08:00

SUP NOW

odysseus in nautilus

2009-02-22T14:21:00.000-08:00

So Lee frigged the dog and got a gym membership at Nautilus down the street where he has a running bet with Millar over who can work out harder, for longer. Since all of Lee's clothes are thick military issue denim, combat boots, post punk shirts, and the occassional mustache, none of us really knew what he wore to the gym. Well, lets say the old rumor mill started doing its churn-business and next think you know we've got Tipton dressed as dracula on the elliptical machine! We've got Tipton as Dave Gahan in the sauna! Ya got your Tipton's on the treadmill eating a meatball sub wearing a fine suit! When we went straight to the source we got these two variations on the same theme: Un Lee dans le gymnase avec les grand fuckin' muscles et shit, baa.

Let Doomers Sleep Tonight

2009-02-16T12:07:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered what you'd do when disaster strikes? The old Johnson & Johnson factory houses a bomb shelter that everyone in Peterborough only knows a few half-facts about. My version is that it was apparently built in Cold-War era for Canada's nomenclatura. I picture fluorescent lights and photos of Eisenhower next to free standing mini versions of the Canadian and American flags.

Every other big budget seems to grapple with this question, tweaking the formula ever so slightly, remixing the apocalypse so each time we see what we take for granted. In Children of Men (informally Kids of Dudes) we see what a future would be like without posterity. V for Vendetta paints the future without civil liberties, and Natalie Portman without hair. For Waterworld we see a world without beachfront properties (heh heh). In my favorite, The Postman, we see a morally bankrupt world, one without regular mail or any social services, really, a chilling account in which America's greatest natural resource is arm brands, fighting, and heroes. The All Ighty Ollar has been replaced by the three b's, bartering, blood and bebs, only to have everyone's favourite Shakespeare espousing scoundrel rise up and take upon the mantle of can-do-edness, offering ultimate reassurance as he ambles from copse to hamlet, letting the demoralized masses know that "stuff is gettin' better" and leaving Costner sons in his wake.

Anyway, I bring this all up because yesterday's Star had a story on Doomers. Guys who are basically just survivormen. It kind of discredits them as being lonewolf conspiracy theory types, but a lot of it makes sense. Just business men teaching themselves how to shimmy down a skyscraper, or how to cure radiation poisoning with aloe vera (false). A few months ago all the dudes in my house were raving about Cormac McCarthy's The Road, which I only picked up recently. It's a really great book, reminiscent of Canadian young-adult fiction that deals with going into the barrenlands and surviving by keeping your head down, your morale up and your nose clean of whatever snortable drugs vampires will be taking in 2027. In the future if stuff gets worse before it gets better my plan is to live in a hobbit style fox-hole underground and get my nutrients from lichen, licking slime off a rock like Lisa in the Lord of the Flies Simpson's homage where Millhouse= Piggy. Ideally I would conduct night classes in my home to the denizens of world 2.0. All the curriculum would be bittersweet reflections on the world that was. The textbook used would be A Purpose Driven Life. On that note, here's the Wiki-How on "How to Find a Good Hiding Spot". See you in the sewers, Sandra Bullock; Happy Family Day, Ontario.

Where do the days go

2009-02-16T11:52:00.000-08:00

having watched my allotted 74 minutes of the wackness on megavideo, for the first time, I have drawn the following conclusions

1. the titles look like they were done by william upski wimsatt
2. ben kingsley as wacky old guy is never so unconvincing as when he's hitting his rich people unadorned, no nonsense blown-glass bong. since when has psychiatric help been meted out in the format of a job interview over a big old desk? did anyone else think of 'igby goes down' when he flushed all his vibrant colored soma pills down his modern toilet
3. is ben kingsley reinventing the transcontinental accent. russell brand on letterman has already proved that flowery west london cant cut that potato-mouthed mustard of the generalized tri-state edge, we all fear and respect
4. i'll never be young in the summertime again
5. "i see the dopeness.... you just see the wackness"

general feel good manager for hire

2009-02-13T15:44:00.000-08:00

do you want to lay me down in a bed of kittens?
do you have a strong desire to boost my self-esteem while remaining completely sexually disinterested in me?
do you have experience in chilling a sister out?

then please see below job description.

job requirements:
-noticing my subtle mood changes and responding by whispering "you're fucking perfect" into my ear
-frequent complimenting of my performance in all facets of my life
-putting me to sleep by telling me stories about one of the following subjects: animals surviving adverse situations; unlikely animal friendships/mothering; everybody thinks i'm attractive and funny
-non-sexual flirting with the goal of making me feel as though i am rejecting you, which i feel badly about because "you reallllyy, realllyyyy like me"
-telling me about the (literally) thousands of people who have crushes on me and how bad you feel for them because i'm so out of their league that they don't stand a chance

required skills:
-being good-looking (if you are only moderately attractive i will question the validity of your compliments/opinions)
-being funny but not as funny as me (eg. sub-mediocre funny)
-sincere laughter in response to all of my jokes
-access to borrowing kittens when needed

while i appreciate all responses, only competitive applications will be contacted.

mansa fucked off to the other side of the world

2009-02-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

stay away from those things.

hopefully you can meet this romeo:

and grab yourself a quick one of these:

i guess they probably have the internet there, right?

the tudors

2009-01-10T18:54:00.000-08:00

hey guys, just been watching the shit out of showtime's latest swing and hit, the tudors. no pictures until i spool through episode one or two to screen cap His Majesty jonathan rhys meyers get bent like beckham (ORALLY) by mary boleyn
actually quote, "what graces have you picked up from french court". anyways, this show is a great sexy way to learn approximate history, and once i've plowed through it like so many heretics plowed their way to lutheranism and so many court musicians get plowed by their lords i'll start over with Rome, which Lee assures me also rules.

my mom made the cutest lil bun things tonight so i scarfed 'em, and then deigned to be the kind of broad who takes her meals with wine white wine, even! and yeah, then i fell asleep

dear christian audigier,

2009-01-07T10:14:00.000-08:00

i fucking hate you,

but for real though.

reasons why:

1."Luxury Streetwear"??? i mean really. ugh.

2. ed hardy

3. because this morning when i walked by the Winners in the Business district i saw what looked like a Bag from the Gucci Tattoo Heart Collection

got really excited moseyed on up to the window for a closer look and found myself staring at an ed hardy purse. embarrassed that anyone saw me actually shopping for ed hardy, i turned away quickly, tripped and spilled my grande black tea latte.

love mansa.

ps. you owe me $4.94 asshole.

cool thread

2008-11-19T18:01:00.001-08:00

http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-i-m-bored-and-procrastinating-doing-work-come-over-here-and-lets-have-a-pretendy-fun-time-internet-fight-

cool ads

2008-11-18T21:00:00.000-08:00

Havin' Myself a Friday #1

2008-11-14T19:49:00.001-08:00

i've decided that every now and then i will have a segment within this blog called "havin' myself a friday". i will not, however, always be writing this on a friday - this column will simply outline great things to do that always make me feel like i'm havin' myself a friday. a real friday. even if it's a tuesday morning.

HAVIN' MYSELF A FRIDAY #1
ICE COLD BREW + NICE WARM SHOWER
the combination of an icy delicious beer and a hot, hot shower makes me feel like one million dollars. it's a cure-all. had a rough day? toss back a boréale in the bath. fight with your lifepartner? showerbrau will fix it. even if you're an orange cat on a monday and the post office returned the nermal package you sent to abu dhabi, having a stella artois while you're washing your hair will have you feeling like the strong, independent female protagonist in a romantic comedy. any way you swing it, the hot shower/cold beer combination will give you the strength to grab life by the balls and say "I AM ALIVE!"

recently single female seeks lackluster relationship

2008-11-07T17:00:00.000-08:00

oh hi there,

single gal here, recently out of a relationship and looking for something new.

you should be comfortable with discussions of my previous relationship, namely me listing the reasons i believe that passion-filled relationships are overrated and how i much prefer your insatiable appetite for honesty and stability. must be comfortable with me frequently referring to you as "my strength". your flaccid sense of humour can be supplemented with a rock hard commitment to me; you know what they say, it's the motion of devotion. please have a propensity for describing all of my obnoxious qualities as "cute". listening stamina of a 21 year old man a definite bonus.

on my end, i will be sure to inform you often enough that you have the hugest personality of anybody i have been with. i'd also be happy to stroke your ego whenever you need.

is this you?

2008-11-05T13:05:00.001-08:00

whatever happened to bands like this??

2008-11-04T14:01:00.000-08:00

i miss these guys

baby give me that ooh ooh

2008-11-02T10:24:00.001-08:00

Hey guys! Just dropping a note acknowledging the vast mystical cloud hanging over us whenever we're all in the same city sans mansa because she was always the heart or the brains beating remotely holding down the jokes in a dif area code.

This morning I am just drinking a dunkin' donuts large coffee fucking around before work listening to "ignition" sooo quietly coming out of my laptop speakers.

so uh here's (a contested) Park Ji Sung singing "Touch My Body"

this is the number one easiest way to stun a brain.

2008-10-27T16:14:00.000-07:00

sorry mansa, i'm bad at photoshop.

I BREED MONSTERS

2008-09-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

so below you will find an email i received from my sister in response to my inquiry, 'how's med school in the uk so far?"

ANSWER:
today, i am wearing my black opaque tights and my black, riding style boots. i am wearing my grey skirt from bedo. and a black turtlneck sweater. i have my grey american apparel cardigan on overtop (need multiple layers in this climate). plus, i am wearing my hot pink pashmina as a scarf (wrapped twice around my neck, for that "stylish" look). i have on a grey hat/beret, placed atop my head like in your pic, as well as my new ruched mid-length slate coloured gloves. i wore bare essentials makeup too, so i also look like an angel.

I got this model chick that don't cook or clean But she dress her ass off and her walk is mean

2008-09-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

bitch why you don't call me no mo? just cuz you running wit some dude with fat pockets, got yourself some fresh titties, why i can't get some?