Wednesday, July 23, 2008

GONE IS THE WAY OF BABES


guys obviously they still make babes like this, but a moment of quiet reverent silence for how aristocratically babely Chevy Chase was, especially in Caddyshack, in that way James Spader was in Pretty in Pink when he's like "come on Blaine, the girl is trash", and he's able to remove a dart from his pack of smokes merely by putting his mouth to the pack. Holy geez that's cool guy smoker's class, amicorrect?

That is all, hope rain lets up for cottage ruination 08 if not we'll all have to get so tanked that the idea of "weather" is just something our moms told us about when we were kids.

?

Sunday, July 13, 2008

stress village




apparently my public note-to-self did not in fact deter me from returning to hamilton's number one hot spot. this time it was a weekend night and as you can imagine, shit was bumpin'. the bar we went to was pretty alt. you had your 'hot hot heats', your 'killers', your 'justices', your 'braveries'; all of the hits and none of the misses.

there were loads of people with all of the hipster fixins (neon hats, pointy boots, XXXstreme v-neck t-shirts), whom i'm fairly confident just hit up a change room on their way up the road from 'sizzle'. they were all grinding to 'the strokes' like there were five minutes left to live and genuwine's 'pony' just came on. i guess though, that hipsters everywhere are just douchebags that wandered into some wacky clothes.

toward the end of the night a street brawl broke out; punches were flying, sirens were wailing, ladies were crying. i watched for about two minutes, and five shit-guy-buddy-just-got-knocked-out-by-that-cops and then decided to return home to my fat cat who wedged himself between jessy and i as we slept.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

things i found in my diary



so last night, in an attempt to distract myself from my paralyzing fear of my parents' attic, i started to read through the diary i kept in my first year of university.

things that were funny:
1. ending each entry with, "lates --amy" (you know, keep it casual. i wouldn't want my inanimate diary thinking i'm all up tight, and shit. i was probably thinking "if i die and some one gets a hold of this bad boy, they are going to be all, "dude, this girl was fucking cool".)
2. starting an entry with "yo yo" (i'm from HAMILTON - so, keep that straight, i guess)
3. "it's just hard for me because he expresses his sadness through anger"
4. starting complaints by "cause shit, [insert complaint]", "like shit, [insert complaint]"
5. referring to people who are having sex as "getting action"
6. please don't judge me this was six years ago.
7. this was only six years ago.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

it's murdahhhh



so, i have now moved back to hamilton, ontario. last night i decided to go out for beers with a couple of near and dear friends in a little spot called 'hess village' - basically, where souls go to die. one of the more bangin' spots (the funky munky) boasted a free outdoor hot tub and musical selections, apparently untarnished by the sands of time, as they were identical to what i remember hearing when i was sneaking into bars at the age of 16. they were knocking out all of the classics, "what's love?", "always on time", essentially ja rule's entire sensitive-thug-era catalog. within five minutes of walking through "the village", we saw two different dudes puke. they belonged to separate parties, just havin' a tuesday i suppose. i'm not trying to paint hamilton in a negative light - just making a public note-to-self, that no matter how long it has been since the last time i went to hess village, it is never as funny as it is uncomfortable.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

dan akroyd was right


okay, so it finally happened - i saw ufos! three to be exact, each one as thrilling as the next. this brings to mind a couple of things:
1. aliens exist
2. let's get off our slovenly asses and achieve warp speed, otherwise aliens will never deem us a worthwhile race to make contact with (although our impending ability to see dark matter and multiple dimensions may do - provided we don't cause the implosion of our planet inside of a black hole)
3. i wish i was a scientist.
4. i wish i was fox moulder
5. i hope the aliens were vulcans.
6. i hope they weren't predators.
7. unless i had danny glover in close proximity to my person.

2 legit

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

wymyn and syng

yo u fags are the best friends a faggy girl could have?


last night lauren amy libby and i went to see vivian girls open for tv on the radio. we picked over their rider and drank their beers and made jokes no one enjoyed except for sweet jewish big band instrumentalists with allergies. it was one of those nights, which i'm sure many of you have had, where you realize "all i have is this hamburger lighter" and a couple of bffs. but anyways, hanging out with bands is sooo cool! i think i'll repeat myself from when i exclaimed last night "i think i must have had a collective 2000 inches in my mouth tonight!" also made lots of jokes about drinking rockstars/slowly having a "rockstar pour down your throat".

we went to this entrance to the underworld called "BAR" on st dominique and is a bar. on the ceiling were parabolic domes that echoed everything you said in a discordant fashion. old people were shaking their thangs and without moving our heads lauren and i could spy like, 4 people sleeping alone at a table slumped over. pretty fucked. when i biked by there on my way to work this morning i saw one of the old grandma dancers sitting on the stoop in a different dress looking bummed. humans are so sad. we are all really lonely, eh?
by the way i got into gradschool at the university of spaceship earth. i've already enrolled for all my classes that involve going to BAR and not weeping, and building up immunity to not having nightmares informed by the violence that happens outside my window and also giving world class hugs!!!