Saturday, June 21, 2008

Rahhhhhhmix!!!!

Hey scros, hows it danglin'. Today I went to work on St-Laurent where the street fest is going down. While trying to taste the sights and sounds of the main on my lunch break some bro made it his business to intercept my jamaican pattie Or rather, while i was static about to take a bite out of it homie hockey-checked me and it flapjacked to the ground and he kept sort of huffily saying sorry which made me too embarrassed to pick it up and just eat it. Anyways, I went back to work and was in a shitty mood.

For a while today I just sort of stood outside and people watched and pretended to work. At one point I muttered to my boss and my coworker, this new guy from Calgary who today was wearing a "LAY ME SOME SKIN" t-shirt which was soooo chill, anyways, some super thin (but otherwise beautiful) broad walked by and I commented on how her ass was convex (ummmm as opposed to parabolic? can something be convex and parabolic at the same time? she had no back is what I mean). Lay Me Some Skin was like "oh yeah, my ass is like that" and then instructed my boss to grab at some of his lower haunch to check out for herself. She confirmed, and then he looked at me, and was like "your turn". I hesitated, but in my head I didn't want to seem like the bummer so I just went for it and was like "oh yeah, no ass, you were telling the truth" and this seemed to satisfy all, and then I cleared my throat and was like "I should have bought you dinner first" and then chuckled softly to myself. Anyways, heres a fucked up (as in, fucking nice) youtube of cat with dense fur playing the theremin with its head and paws.

how to literally become the internet!

holy shit guys, let's just each take a corner and meet up in the middle in one week. this is the only way i can conceive of mastering the tools, the rules, and most importantly becoming the internet.

i like this guy's down-to-earth approach - don't be deceptive, 'employ' people to talk about you rather than 'pay' them. he wants to keep things legit, so that's good.

buds!

1. this is the most heartwarming thing i have seen all year.
2. lee wanted it to be clear that he had a hand in finding this video.
3. lee said that calling this video heartwarming was "an obvious choice".
4. but it's really heartwarming.
5. i want to be a snake so that i could make friends with a mouse and blow everybody's mind.

Friday, June 20, 2008

guru menengitis

today at work i got a free tim mcgraw image cd rom and a mini bottle of his new perfume "mcgraw"

this is my new desktop:looks like the 'hummer' cologne for ultimate fighters

this is also on the cd-rom:
and begging to be remixed.

and finally this is what i've been working on for the past half hour because i'm not ready to bike home yet:
My poster for "the wackness"

let's go change the world, you fucking faggots!

please, please, please can we do this tonight. i'm not much of a singer but i'll man the slow clap.

PHOTO ESSAY OF MY MORNING







"FAT WATCH BANDS??"

Mansa wizened me to this, I like how the implication is that Dina Lohan's daughters are really just exquisite corpses.

Just another day on the ropes here at trashbat.co.ck, I brought two lukewarm redbulls because hey, T.G.I.F?? Also I made the worst call and had an early morning bikearrette, which makes you feel like you never had a mom. Hahaha, shit, everytime John and I are left alone in the office with only the french comptrollers/accountants one of us has to look to the other one and essentially go "KIDS ONLY!!" or "THE PUPIL BECOMES THE MASTER" but we're still just peons.

My next day off is St-Jean baptiste because everything closes then, so everyone join me in draping the queb flag around my shoulders, wearing ski goggles, and drinking sangria thats half mountain dew at parc jeanne mance before lunch

Thursday, June 19, 2008

i've got more rhymes then the bibles got moms


trying to figure out how to post things on this blog is like my mom trying to figure out how to attach pictures to an email. for the sake of being clear, i will tell you, it is difficult. i'm told to make some sort of general intro, so i will tell you that in my perfect world all cats would love me and i would feel forever like i do when consuming the synthesized versions of shrooms and looking at lauren in relation to the yelllow walls in my apartment. since apparently i won't be able to pay for my education my only wishes in life are to snuggle with a cat as human-sized as the one pictured above and to listen to thin lizzy as frequently as the summer days are hot. alright, i hate myself, bye.

I pray for the tigers




got this from Harsh; pretty much all levels fucked but it makes me unhappy that the castrated singer looks like a mix of James Franco and Nick Andopolis and I can see him and I being very happy together.

Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad!

I'm Lauren, and I'm a virgo like Bilyana's mom. I'm living pretty large at my parents' house right now and so no funny pictures (but if I could post one it'd be the one with the tiny cat walking on my hand. pretty sure you all know what i'm talking about.) I'm just about to go bleach my arm hair (NO BOYS ALLOWED!) but not before I say some hilarious shit!!!

Last night my dad gave me some dried mango and told me about a youtube video he saw where they use cell phones to pop kernels of corn, which is pretty wild. We tried it but we used microwaveable popcorn, which is maybe why it didn't work. For some reason I was disappointed, but it's probably good because now I can keep using my cell phone and just pretend that this is a sham:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vPf8dXsZ1PE&feature=related

Which it probably is, or else these chooches are just really fake and their friendships are empty. NOT LIKE OURS! Sorry guys, I suck at this.

Bilyana: I see your sexist joke and raise you a racist button that someone was selling at a McCain rally. It says "If Obama wins, will we still call it the White House?" Well, dummy, before it was burned down int he war of 1812, it WAS black, so obviously McCain voters are not students of history (and life) like I am.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

josh peck killin' it!!!

INTRODUCE YOURSELVES

Okay blog what the fuck is up! My name is Bilyana and i guess you could say maintaining this blog is my fourth job if one of my jobs was smoking weed, and the other two jobs were just my actual jobs. This blog is a couple things, it's a way to keep gal pals together on the www while 80% of my friends go to Columbia next year to major in "Best Pizza in the whole city!" and minor in Sex in the City, and is also a way to try to prove to Tipton that girls get jokes. For example, I get this joke:


Why is clinton gonna lose the election?
Cause she is a woman


Oh I get it alright. More jokes like this joke are available at:
http://jokes.wetpaint.com/page/Sexist+Jokes+About+Women?t=anon

everyone post a file picture of yourself, heres mine:
Let me explain this image file, the overlay is a little "inside" but its a joke about my favorite six-flags, which is no more, and theres also al bundy, bigot funnyman screaming at the reality of his life and a somber picture of stallone where he looks like kevin mcdonald. in this picture i am at lauren's house smoking a cigarette, wearing lauren's jacket, and basically doing everything in my power to become lauren and wear her flesh to open portals unknown to me. lauren is a virgo, like my mom.


Looks like marlowe
roseanne married 2 al bundy, marriage of convenience?

peck with the best, die like the rest

1. josh peck, in the trailors for 'the wackness' has the same hair as tobey maguire when he becomes venom
2. 1994 is already a time bygone that we're shitting on
3. josh peck, you really rawked it on jimmy kimmel
4. josh peck i'd like to take some photographs of you
5. new skatemove from now on whenever anyone does a k-grind we call it peckin' order