Monday, February 14, 2011

top 6 things i drew in my childhood sketchbooks

top 6 things i drew in my sketchbook as a child. my inspirations were primarily picture frame stock photos.

1. saxophones. often with squiggly lines and music notes escaping the horn to indicate sound. nobody ever played these saxophones, they were free agents, jazzing around as they pleased.

2. bird silhouettes. i found these most beautiful when they were flying in front of a Sunset on the Horizon. my favourite of the bird drawings was a seagull depicted flying straight up into the sky, in front of a sunset of course, across which i wrote "no destiny".

3. celtic princesses with long hair and velvet dresses in the grass. they never wore shoes and they always had corseted dresses with bell sleeves. i went through great pains to thickly shade their cleavage. mostly i thought these were premonitions of my adult life.

4. cats. cats sitting in all different ways. with collars. in jail. standing next to celtic princesses with long hair and velvet dresses in the Grass. sometimes all of this in front of a sunset on the horizon.

5. daft punk. much to dave's dismay. once he saw a sketchbook of mine in which there was an entire page devoted to the childish scrawling of 'daft punk' . he looked at it and said "this makes me feel fucked up".

6. abstract squiggles and doors to nowhere. as i got a bit older (11ish) i used to draw lots of doors with question marks on or around them. i would then draw squiggly lines all over the place to fill up the page and to make things seem a bit funkier.

close runners up: roses, palm trees, witch hats, keys locked in jail

Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

dont worry its just me





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Love through the ages:

1. Doug Hous*n, second grade, huge crush on him until i saw him get pushed on the ice and see a snot ball evacuate his nose. His family moved away in third grade, wrote in my diary i was "glad to see him go"

2. Grades 3-6 not really "into it"

3. Simultaneous crush on the three dudes in grades 7, 8 who were into nature and comic books. They would all draw smily faces on their hands and make them talk with a british accent, these characters (the hands, not the dudes) were known as a family called "the sturgeons" and not even the jocks could fuck with their sheer ingenuity and whimsy. also crush on my neighbour's cousin, Nathan, who drew pictures of Marvel characters and grudgingly gave props to a carefully finger-smudged portrait of Pope John Paul referenced from his Time cover. We played soccer and talked some about Our Lady Peace. I found out he was allergic to grass and thought it'd be cool to rig up a bag of grass and have it dump on his head when he'd walk through a door.

4. had a crush on a dude on my bus who had a face like a sexual deviant and told everyone he was "probably going to be a doctor or scientist". Crush ended when I heard him shit talk my older brother when I appeared to be sleeping.

5. had a crush on a guy in grade 9 who on the first day of grade 10 showed up with a cloth bandage eyepatch which i thought was fuckin' siiiick. also, a different guy who is now (probably) a failed OHL player who grinded (ground?) me the first dance of highschool and insisted on shaking my hand every time i'd see him afterwards, in what now appears to be a gesture meant to dispirit.

6. had a crush in grade 12 on a dude who would pick me up at school and take me to burger king to get "cinamini's" with a coupon. driving me back to school he would explain to me that university was totally different, and you write essays differently.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Future Husbands: Fox Mulder

I don't even mind the midnight blue cravatte. If Fox Mulder were my husband my arms would ache from hugging him all day, and my religious bone would be happily worked-out by indulging his constant "fringe sciences" bullshit.

Monday, May 10, 2010

hey gals. just sitting here at my parents' house "working on an application," and between fielding calls from the brick about special sales i can't imagine anyone gives a shit about, and fielding calls from the ontario federation for cerebral palsy about selling my mom garbage bags/picking up old clothes (what is it that they DO over there at the OFCP?), i happened upon these:



now, my dad is kind of famous around these parts for buying weird shit (eg. antelope horn light fixture that only works on south africa's power grid, led zeppelinesque paintings that make me think he still smokes a lot of pot, motion-sensing garbage cans, etc) but i have a couple of questions about these nelly placemats (??). question the first is "dad, do you know who nelly is?" (which depending on the answer could result in a lot more questions), the second is "were these promotional materials for the release of nelly's 2002 shitshow nellyville, the only decent song on which is, i guess, air force ones?". i guess mostly all the questions are just "why?"

how are you guys doing?